whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
