Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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