I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
