dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
