I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
