I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
