I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
