do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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