what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
