I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
