Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
