This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
