All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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