Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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