Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
