i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize