Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
