Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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