My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
