He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She needs sedatives and a leash
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
