so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
