my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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