Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
