You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
