im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
