I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we're so committed to being not committed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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