Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize