remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
