i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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