your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
