I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
