is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize