If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
