The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
