God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Vodka?
Forever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize