you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
