come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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