I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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