I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
