you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
