Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
