So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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