It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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