My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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