you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
