It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
