Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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