if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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