Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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