having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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