Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
