after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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