i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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