I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His nipple licking is glorious
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