the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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