I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
