if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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