absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
