you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
