I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize