I just cut my nipple shaving
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize