The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
