here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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