Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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